Thank you for the amazing journey we have had so far. You and I have been through some experiences that some people can only watch on a screen. We have felt stronger than Superman, weaker than death, we have been thrilled and shocked, nervous and excited. Dancing on more stages than I can remember. Photoshoots, commercials, movies, videos, volleyball courts, track fields, gyms, traveled the world, jumped out of planes and off cliffs, fallen, and fallen again. Our story is a pretty great one.
Now, I need to apologize. I am sorry for the negative thoughts, and actions I have taken towards you. Especially lately. It’s been so easy to turn 30 and go “ya, this is harder, or hurts more because I’m 30”, or “You can do that because you’re younger”. These sayings are usually accompanied by thoughts of anger towards you. “Why can’t I do that anymore”, “I used to be stronger”, “I used to jump higher”, “I used to be more flexible”, “I can’t do ____ now”…the list goes on and on. I’ve been upset because I have not been able to perform the way I used to. To haphazardly jump into dance class or go to the gym and turn the volume up to 110% and not think twice about it. Now…now I’m afraid.
I’m scared to jump, or step down a flight of stairs, or sit or stand too quickly. I’ve allowed my thoughts to become my reality, without even realizing it.
This letter, is a reminder to us both of how amazing we are. You are 30 years young and still working out almost daily. You and I still walk into audition rooms with 18-year old’s and make the final cut or get the job. We still show up to classes and give it 110%. We just need to give more time & attention to our warm up – no big deal!
The physical pain we have been going through has and is teaching me so much. As I move more cautiously, I am trying to keep my thoughts away from “oh gosh, go slow this is going to hurt!” and moving towards “ok, the last time I did this movement, I was able to move from success by doing _____”. It is so hard to rewire my brain into this new thought pattern of noticing when I feel good and moving successfully, then trying to store that information for later. We are having to rework so many roadways that are second nature to us for our movement, and I am grateful that you are still willing to work with me. We are carving out a new and exciting path that is leading to a stronger, more secure self that will persevere!
No surgery, no breaking bones, no fractures.
Thank you for teaching me to be patient with you. Thank you for teaching me how to take care of you physically, mentally and emotionally. Thank you for giving me warning signs when things are not going well and for giving me the green light when things are good, and we should keep going down that path. We are not old. This is a new chapter of our incredible journey. Where we become wiser, stronger, and more empowered to take on what the world has to offer.
We will jump high again, and land strong. We will move without fear. We will accomplish our goals and continue to set new ones.
Dear body, Thank you.